How to, Like, Totally Win K-Pop Star

Dear Korean,

I'm going to be auditioning for SM, and JYP what are some things that will get them to respect and take me seriously?

Lizzy L.

This is another breed of stupid questions that the Korean has been receiving a lot lately. Here is the Korean's answer:  sing really, really well, then cross your fingers and hope for the best.

Yes, this anonymous blogger totally knows how to crack this thing.

To people who keep sending this type of question -- seriously, what the hell did you expect when you sent your question? That this random anonymous blogger has the nuclear launch code that would fast-track you into JYP's heart?

Yes, if you are not Korean, your chances are lower if only because you are not Korean. So what? Did you think you would be considered an automatic finalist if you were Korean? Does it make sense to complain that, in a lottery with a trillion tickets outstanding, you were given eight tickets instead of ten?

If you are auditioning for a TV show, what you are going for is a moonshot. If you are into taking moonshots, please, don't let anyone stop you. But if you are scared away from taking a moonshot just because the moonshot has 0.0000000001% chance instead of 0.0000000002% chance, maybe you should not be in the business of taking moonshots at all.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean. Email away at